Marriage – the mere mention of the word can send shivers down the spine. It is an exciting but intimidating topic to talk about, especially before the engagement.
Open communication is one of the secrets of a successful relationship. With this, even before popping the big question, it is good if couples are already open to talking about marriage.
What exactly should you be talking about before the proposal? Read on and I will share some of the topics that every couple must touch on.
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Know If You Are Both Ready
The engagement should not be a guessing game. It does not matter whether you have been together for a few months or a few years. The most important thing is that you are both ready to take your relationship to the next level.
One of the topics that you should talk about in your dreams. What is it that both of you want to achieve? For instance, does he want to advance or have a change in his career? Can you realize your plans if you’re already married or have kids? It is possible that one of you might need more time to reach your ambitions, and hence, marriage may not yet seem a viable idea at the moment.
Age is not the only factor that will dictate your readiness for marriage. It is also more than just a feeling. So, consider everything to know if you are ready.
Speaking of being ready, talking about finances is a must. It might be a sensitive topic for some people, but this is also a practical matter. It can bring up shame and embarrassment, so tread with caution when talking about this subject.
There are many reasons why financial talks are important. For instance, it will let you know if you are ready to settle down. It also gives you an idea of what you should do when you get married to achieve your financial goals in life.
Who should pay for the wedding? Is it only the guy? Or should the expenses be shared between the couple? Such a topic may feel taboo, but most couples have to talk about it. Talk about what works best for your financial situation. You might not yet be engaged but such a conversation is already warranted if you want to be financially prepared.
You do not need to be specific when you talk about finances. No one should ever feel compelled to reveal his or her earnings. Instead, you should give each other a general idea of where you currently stand financially and where you want to be in the future.
Hunt for Clues About the Engagement Ring
Shopping for an engagement ring is a tedious process for most people. Especially if you are not familiar with jewelry, it isn’t easy to decide on what ring to buy. From the size to the stone, there are tons of options, so you will end up overwhelmed.
Gone were the days when an engagement ended up being a total surprise. Today, couples are more open. Some even shop for an engagement ring together. It is an expensive purchase. A lot of men would like to make sure that their partners will love it, so women can be involved in the conversation.
You do not necessarily have to be upfront about it during your talks. During casual conversations, ask him about his preference for jewelry or precious stones. In these casual talks, he might drop some hints that will give you an idea of what to buy.
Do your research before buying an engagement ring. Head over at Learning Jewelry for some insights.
Avoid Setting a Timeline
A wedding should not be a time-sensitive matter. Do not believe anyone saying that you should get engaged or married before you reach 30. It depends on the readiness of the couple and not on what society perceives.
Do not rush into the proposal. It might seem like you two are getting too old, but that should not make an engagement urgent. Take your time if it is necessary. Get to know each other better until you are sure that you would like to be together for the rest of your lives.
Do Not Be Scared to Drop Some Hints
Girls, do not be afraid to drop your man some hints that you are finally ready to be engaged. They are probably not asking the big question because they are worried about being rejected, so it is a good idea if you can send feelers.
Nothing beats having direct communication. Over an intimate dinner or when you are together talking seriously in bed, let him know that you are ready for the next level in your relationship. Don’t make it seem like you are in a rush. See to it that you are on the same page.
If you do not want to be upfront about it, there are many ways to be subtle. For instance, if a friend has been recently engaged or married, use it to your advantage. Tell him how happy you are for the couple and how you wish for the same thing one day.
If you are watching a TV show and get someone married, giggle as if you want it to happen to you as well. This will give him the slightest idea that you want to marry one day.
Talk About Your Dream Wedding
The logical next step after an engagement is a wedding. Even before a proposal, couples should already have open conversations about their dream weddings. This will help you work towards the same vision. When you know what you want, you can prepare for it financially.
A lot of couples are not afraid to talk about how they want their weddings. You can start by talking about where you want the special event to take place. Should it be a destination wedding? Or will you have it in your favourite restaurant or venue in your city? Is it going to be intimate or big?
You may want to talk about how you want to look for the big day. A lot of women, at one point, have envisioned themselves wearing the wedding dress of their dreams. Do not be afraid to articulate what you want your gown to look like. Show him some pictures of the dresses that you find fabulous that can serve as an inspiration on what to wear to your wedding.
Talk About Children
Marriage talks should not just be about the big day. It is more important that you talk about what happens after the wedding, and that includes having or not having children. Do not be afraid of being judged by society if you opt to not have kids. At the end of the day, it is your decision.
If you finally settle that you want kids, talk about how many. Do you prefer it to be a girl or boy? How do you plan to raise your kids? What do you want them to be when they grow up?
Talking about these things will give your relationship a vision. You will be working together towards achieving what you want for your children, so you should talk about it.
Plan Your Career
A successful career can contribute to a happy marriage. When you are happy at work, you will be good financially. For most couples, this means fewer struggles and happier life. This could also mean less fighting, especially about money.
Before your proposal, talk to your partner about the careers that you would like to build. Where do you see yourselves five or 10 years from now? Do you plan to have a business venture? Would you like to advance on the corporate ladder? Talks like this are important since they will give you insights into what could happen in your lives as a couple.
Another important thing to talk about careers is how such should change once there is already a family. When children get into the picture, a lot of things can change. For instance, those who want to be hands-on moms may opt to start working. However, will such be financially feasible for the couple? This is another thing you should talk about before the proposal.
Keep your eyes, heart, and mind open. Nothing should be set in stone. It can be scary, but be open to the possibility that your partner may not yet be ready to put a ring on her finger. Whether it is because of age, career, or any other thing, individual circumstances may differ.
Getting engaged is a serious topic, so being open about your feelings is a must. Sharing deep and authentic feelings can help you build a stronger relationship.
Do not be scared to be upfront to say that you do not see it happening anytime soon. This way, your guy can have a hint that it is not yet time to propose.
Modern conversations are must-haves in these modern times. When it comes to marriage, couples should be as open as possible. Even before the proposal, you should be talking about different things about your would-be marriage. From knowing if both of you are ready to talk about your dream wedding, the topics mentioned above should be the subjects of your conversations.
FAQ – The Marriage Talk
When should you bring up the subject of marriage?
According to their findings, the majority of couples start talking about marriage long before they get engaged. According to the report, 94 percent of couples talk about becoming engaged in the six months leading up to the big day. At least 30% of those surveyed discuss engagement and marriage at least once a week.
After you propose, what do you call your partner?
Future brides and grooms are referred to as fiancée (feminine) or fiancé (masculine), the betrothed, a wife-to-be or a husband-to-be.
What are the guidelines for making a proposal?
The “promisor” or “offeror” is the individual who makes the offer/proposal. And the “promisee” or “acceptor” is the individual who may accept such an offer. The offeror must declare his readiness to perform or refrain from doing an act. Willingness alone is insufficient.
When should you marry after you’ve been engaged for a while?
If you’ve recently become engaged, you and your partner presumably work on a wedding timetable. Although most wedding planners recommend 12 to 18 months of preparation, many couples prefer to go longer or stay within that time frame.
What does a man do before he proposes?
When he’s about to propose, your boyfriend can start acting strangely. A shift in his general demeanour is one of the most telling signals that he is about to offer something. He’ll go out of his way to express his affection for you. He’s hoping you’ll do the same; he’s waiting for confirmation that now is the right moment.