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Guest etiquette guide for modern weddings

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Nobody wants to deal with a high-maintenance, uncontrollable guest on their wedding day! And you don’t want to be that guest.

The couple who invites you to their wedding do so because they wish you participate in their big lifetime celebration. And it is only right that you allow them to enjoy their event. There are certain unspoken rules of wedding guest etiquette that wedding guests follow. Learn them and you can ensure that you aren’t a source of trouble for your hosts.

Today, I will tell you all the do’s and don’ts to follow when you will be a wedding guest. Take note of them and you will not disappoint as a guest.

Send in your RSVP early

Most wedding invitations require you to confirm whether you will be attending the wedding or not. There may also be a deadline mentioned on the RSVP card. Take note of it and let the couple know your plans at the earliest. Don’t overlook the importance of sending in your RSVP. The couple need it to track of their guest headcount, plan seating arrangements and other wedding details.

If you intend to attend, pop your affirmation into the mail immediately. In case you don’t plan to attend, you should still inform the couple. There may also be cases where you aren’t sure just yet. This could be because the wedding date is after a long time. Or you may have another engagement that is likely to clash with the wedding date. In such a scenario, tell the couple that you shall confirm your availability at a later date. And don’t forget to do so as soon as you know for sure.

In case of any doubt, check the invitation or website

Couples put a lot of thought into planning their wedding invitations. They usually include all the relevant details in the invitation suite. Most couples also have a wedding website, where they add the rest of the details. These may not always be in the invitation. Wedding registries, for instance, are always in the website and not in the invitation. Make sure to check both the invitation and the website, if you have any doubts.

If you still can’t find the information you require, check with the couple’s families and friends. Only if you are unable to find the information, should you check directly with the couple.

Get the bride and bridegroom a gift they actually like

This is why couples set up wedding registries in the first place! Unless you know the bride and groom personally, it isn’t wise to pick out a random gift that you think is good. There are chances that the gift you give may never be used at all. Couples list what they actually need in their wedding registries. So, there is every chance that your gift will find better use when you pick it from this list.

It is good to get your gift early, as you will have more options to pick from. As more people start choosing and booking gifts from the registry, your options will dwindle. You may finally have to settle for what is left, if you wait too long.

Send the gift to their address

The couple may not have any arrangements to take gifts home from the venue. There is enough going on at a wedding as it is. So, don’t add to their troubles by taking your gift to the venue. Your gift could be misplaced in all the rush after the wedding, and you do not want to risk that.

Send your gift directly to the address in the registry, as soon as you buy it. If the couple mention a store in the registry, they will most likely have registered there. The store may have a shipping option. In that case, simply get it done that way. If not, drop by their home with the gift and give it to them before the wedding day.

Be mindful of dressing appropriately for the wedding

Traditional etiquette suggests that you avoid wearing white or black to the wedding; white as it is the bride’s color and black for its association with funerals. While the rules regarding colors are relaxed nowadays, how you dress for a wedding still matters.

The invitation will give you a general idea of the style of wedding. Look at the venue and time to decide what would be appropriate to wear. In any case, avoid provocative and vulgar dressing as there will be people from different generations at the event. Never wear jeans or flip-flops. It is always safer to over-dress than look under-dressed. In any case, don’t go over-the-top so you steal the bride’s thunder.

Take only those who are actually invited with you

The bride and the groom plan the wedding for a specific head count. Hence, they have an idea of how many guests ought to attend their wedding. Make sure you are clear about what the invitation suggests in your case.

Unless the invitation specifically mentions a plus-one, don’t invite anyone to come with you. It is also unkind to call and ask the couple if you can bring someone. If this was their intention, they would have mentioned it on the invite or told you personally. Similarly some couples are very particular about no kids attending the wedding. Unless you are specifically invited with your entire family, don’t assume that the invitation extends to your children. It is best to make alternate arrangements for the care of your children while you go for the wedding.

Be on time

The invitation card will clearly mention the wedding time. It is important reach the venue on time and participate in the entire event. Don’t wait till the day of the wedding to check directions. Do this in advance, so you know your way on the day.

Always start early, so you have time for unexpected emergencies on the way. It is unfair to the couple if you skip the ceremony. The only exception is if you have specifically been invited only to the reception. Be considerate and reach the venue few minutes before the time mentioned on the card. This will allow you to settle down comfortably and participate in the wedding.

Respect the couple’s wishes

The couple put in a lot of thought when planning the various aspects of their wedding. One example is the seating chart. Even if you aren’t happy with where you are seated, be courteous and follow through. It will be an ordeal for the couple if you make your own changes, and is also quite impolite. So, go with the instructions and adjust to the situation.

One bride once told me how they decided to serve local wines and cocktails at their reception, instead of an open bar. There was just this one guest who created a big scene by laughing and joking at their choice. Remember that nobody is going to appreciate such a gesture. You will simply end up being a person who everyone dreads inviting. If the couple have gone for unconventional choices, respect it. It is their special day, and your opinion is not welcome unless they ask you for it.

Avoid clicking photos if the couple request it

Since everyone has a phone these days, there is a general tendency to click pictures throughout the event. However, most couples will have a photographer for the job. So, resist the temptation to document every moment of the wedding day on your phone. This can interfere with the photographer’s work, cause a distraction and spoil the moment. Instead, try to enjoy the event and let the professionals take care of the rest.

Many modern couples set up hashtags to share pictures of the event conveniently. Even if this is the case, assume that you shouldn’t use your cell phone camera during the important events on the day. This will be the ceremony, cake cutting and first dance. Use discretion when using your camera and take care it doesn’t become a distraction. If the couple prefer that you do not upload the photos till after the wedding function, respect their request.

Drink in moderation

Even if there is an open-bar, don’t get too carried away. Stop your consumption of alcohol with a drink or two and keep yourself under control.

Even one shot too many will leave a lasting impression. It will be inconsiderate to create a scene at the wedding reception, by getting out of control. So act dignified and avoid causing any discomfort to anyone at the event and spoiling the entire mood.

Make sure you greet and congratulate the couple

It can be after the ceremony, during the reception or at the end of the evening. Nevertheless, it is important that you personally talk to the couple and their family, and congratulate them.

Pay your compliments to the couple and thank them for a wonderful time. When you mention you had a great time, it reassures them that their event was a success and allows them to feel happy. Refrain from chatting for too long. Remember that they have to catch up with all the guests, and don’t keep them waiting. Also avoid complaining about anything at this time. Let them enjoy this time in their lives without worrying about anything else.

Try to enjoy the day

Don’t see the wedding as a chore that you have no way out of. Instead try to involve yourself, engage in the activities and enjoy the occasion. The best guests are those who really try to enjoy the moment and appreciate the couple’s efforts in planning it.

On this occasion, mingle with people, shake a leg on the dance floor and enjoy the food. Don’t go about complaining to others or being fussy and demanding. All you do is take away a part of the couple’s happiness on their special day, when you do this.

Be discrete if you have to leave early

In unavoidable circumstances, you may not be able to stay for the entire length of the party. However, it is bad etiquette to do so. When they extend an invitation, the couple expect you to participate in the entire event.

If you must leave early, make your way out quietly. Sign the guest book earlier on and don’t wait around to say goodbye to the couple. With so many guests at the event, it is highly unlikely they will notice.

Take home your wedding favor

It is impossible to find favors that please everyone. Nevertheless, couples put in a lot of effort and money when picking wedding favors for their guests. So, don’t be too disappointed if you don’t like the little trinkets they give out as their wedding favors.

Remember that it is discourteous to decline your gift. Respect this effort and investment and pick yours up even if you aren’t too excited about it.You can take it home and do what you like with it afterwards.

With these rules in mind, there is every chance you will be a welcome guest at any wedding party. Did we miss anything? If so, do let us know in the comments section below.

As you prepare for an upcoming wedding, don’t forget to check out our dresses for special occasions at Best for Bride. Our collection is just right for every type of wedding. So, irrespective of your age, preferences and taste, you are bound to find the right dress to dress in and amaze everyone, this upcoming wedding season. Visit our collection by clicking on this link here, or walk in to one of our stores and make your pick in-person. With special deals, offers and clearance sales all the time, you can get the best value for your money anytime. And more wedding-related advice, tips and tricks, stay tuned to our Best for Bride blog page.

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Graceful Guidance: 8 Essential Etiquette Questions Every Mother of the Bride Should Consider!

Every mother has a vision of how her daughter should look as a bride, and it is no surprise that moms are usually a great help in helping the bride plan her wedding. From being a part of her shopping entourage to supporting her with making vendor decisions and other important details, they are an indispensable presence.

However, it isn’t always smooth sailing. Unless you are a regular society bee, or have had another child get married in the recent past, it may be time to brush up on the etiquette rules you should follow for your daughter’s wedding.

So, this article is dedicated to all mothers of brides out there. Join us to learn all you need about your role in your daughter’s lifetime celebration.

Do I have to stick with the tradition of choosing my dress first and tell the mother of the groom what I’ll be wearing?

If you and your family are all about following traditions at your daughter’s wedding—Yes! The original practice was for the mother-of-the-bride to first finish her dress shopping and inform the mother-of-the-groom about what she would be wearing to the wedding. Then, the groom’s mother would choose a dress that would tie together with this choice, even if it wasn’t too similar. Now, times have changed, and not all people are fond of old traditions. You can always conform to the practice, if that is what you like.

Notify the groom’s mother of your chosen outfit for the wedding day. However, be realistic with your expectations. If she isn’t keen on following the practice, let her be. If you aren’t sure of whether your daughter’s future mother-in-law would appreciate you informing her, or whether it would seem to pushy instead, check with your daughter. She should be able to advice you on whether it is a good idea. Or, you can ask her to pass on the details to her future mother-in-law.

1.Do I have to ask my daughter about what I wear to her wedding?

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Yes! It is your daughter’s day, after all. Although it would be unreasonable of her to dictate your overall look, she may suggest what you could choose to fit the overall wedding party look. Ask your daughter for recommendations on colors and dress styles, and make your pick so that it matches her expectations.

It would be a good idea to choose a color in the wedding palette or one that goes well with the bridesmaids dress colors, though not exactly the same. Either pick a different shade in the same color spectrum as the bridesmaids, or a neutral or complementary color that will work with it. Most couples have a general idea of how their wedding scenery should be, and if you can find an outfit that works well with the theme, you would be doing your bit to make them all the more happier.

2.Are there any styles that I should absolutely avoid?

This again depends on your personal preferences and that of the bride’s. You should be comfortable in what you wear and feel good too. When choosing sexy dresses that are too short, with long slits or ones that expose too much skin, you may first want to get the go-ahead from your daughter. If she is fine with your dress choice, there shouldn’t be a problem.

Instead, if she feels that you should make an elegant and modest choice, or that you may steal her thunder with the way you dress on the day, it is better you rethink your original idea. Remember that you can look glamorous and stylish, but in a way that doesn’t make anyone unhappy with your choice. We think this is the route you should take. The same applies for when your daughter asks you to dress in something that you aren’t comfortable in. Although you should try to meet her expectations when choosing a dress, you should finally wear one that makes you happy too.

3.Should I be offended if the couple won’t take any of my suggestions?

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We understand that you may not be entirely happy about the couple not taking your suggestions seriously, especially if you are footing the expenses for the wedding. However, you should remember that this is their special day, and it is a once-in-a-lifetime affair for them. So, prepare to handle it gracefully if your daughter decides not to go with your suggestions. Accept that you are making suggestions, not decisions! It may not be that she thinks they are bad ideas, it could just be that she has other ideas herself that she thinks are better suited for the situation.

So, before you provide any inputs, you may actually want to ask your daughter about what her own ideas and vision is. This way, you will be able to think of relevant and appropriate suggestions, that they are more likely to accept.

Now, for some humor, we think you should head over to this page on the Knot that lists some really crazy wedding planning comments from moms! You may also like to share it with your daughter, if she thinks your suggestions are weird! She may probably ease up a little, once she sees what other moms have been up to!

4.I am not sure the to-be-weds know about our limits to finance their wedding. Is it alright to discuss this with them directly?

If the couple expect you to pay for their wedding, it is only right that you inform them of the maximum amount you can afford to spend. Have a chat about the wedding finances with the couple, so they can plan expenses accordingly. Get this across right at the start and you can save them from being disappointed after booking everything at rates that you cannot afford.

Now, if the couple intend to pay for their wedding themselves, it is best that you do not interfere with their plans at all. If you will be contributing a specific amount to the wedding budget, you can share the amount with them beforehand so they can plan it accordingly. Or, if your idea is to sponsor a certain wedding expense, like the wedding dress or entertainment, make sure that you tell them what your limit is. This will help you both be on the same page when the time arises.

5.I think my daughter is turning into a bridezilla. Should I do something about it?

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You know how the excitement and overwhelming planning stress can get to your daughter and turn your level-headed, pleasant girl into a monster! This does happen to many a bride, and such women put all those around her in misery. From straining her relationship with her partner, to making her bridesmaids miserable, this can cause much damage. As her mother, it is essential that you support her whole-heartedly during this trying time.

Nevertheless, it is also your responsibility to put her in her place and tell her when she crosses the limit. Make suggestions to help relieve the stress, and tell her not to freak out over unnecessary details. Also gently remind her that her friends and relatives need to be treated nicely, and she cannot forego behaving well just because she is a soon-to-be bride. You are the best person to put this across to her. So, take this responsibility seriously and improve things for her and all the others involved.

6.Do I have to take the initiative and reach out to her in-laws?

It is not just customary, but sensible as well, to meet your daughter’s soon-to-be in-laws once she is engaged. Ideally, your daughter and her fiance should set this meeting up. So, wait for them to do this. If you get the idea that they will not be taking the initiative, you can take the first step forward. Talk to your daughter’s partner and find out how you can get in touch with them.

Either invite them over to your home, or plan to meet for tea or dinner at a good restaurant or cafe. If you are comfortable in playing host and inviting them to dinner, it would be a good idea to contact them directly and invite them over. Whether you meet at home or outside, make sure that the first meeting is very casual, and the purpose is to get to know them. Support your daughter’s relationship with their son, and make the most of this first move by fostering a friendly relationship with them.

7.I would love my daughter to wear my wedding gown, but I am worried it looks dated and may not be her taste. Do I offer it?

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Your wedding dress is associated with many fond memories, and it would be a dream come true to see your daughter be wed in the same dress. However, as you have already realized, it may not be the right style or fit for your daughter. This doesn’t mean that you shouldn’t offer it to her. Just don’t force her into considering it. If you have a great vintage dress, and it is one that matches the theme of the wedding, you may even be doing your daughter a big favor.

Also, there are many talented wedding dress makers who can repurpose a wedding gown into a brand new wedding dress, while keeping the important elements of the original dress alive. This could be by taking the lace from the dress and adding it into a modern silhouette, or simply redesigning the gown to make it modern. If your daughter would like to consider this option, give her full freedom to do what she wants with your gown. You cannot expect her to wear the dress as it is, so don’t feel bad about the dress being taken apart after you agree to let her do what she chooses with it.

There are also options like taking the lace from the wedding dress and adding it to the bridal bouquet. Finally, just remember that whether the bride says yes or no to your dress, accept her decision gracefully and don’t complain about it later.

8.What say do I have in planning the guest list?

If you are sharing the wedding expenses, it is only reasonable to expect that you have a say in who is invited to the wedding. Nonetheless, talk to the couple and find out what type of ceremony they have in mind. Keep that in mind when deciding on who you should ask them to invite. If their idea is a small, intimate wedding, respect their choice and don’t expect to invite all those you want to.

Get a clear idea of how many people you can invite, and then decide upon who goes on the list. If the number is small, make sure that you list those who are most important. As with everything wedding-related, be reasonable with your expectations; nobody will feel hurt.

Weddings are a difficult time, and a bride is lucky if she has a supportive mother to help her meet the various wedding-related challenges. It is a one-time occasion, and she deserves all the support she can have to make it a memorable event in every way. Isn’t this what moms are always there for?

To take a closer look at any of the dresses featured here, and at more mother of the bride dresses available in our collection at Best for Bride. Browse our extensive dress collections for top-class dress designers to find the dress perfect for your little girl’s big day. We also have a huge inventory of wedding dresses, bridesmaids, and flower girl dresses. Come visit our one-stop bridal destination for anything and everything you need and make your wedding day a huge success in every way.

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All you wanted to know about engagement parties

Your engagement is great news; one that has to be shared and celebrated with your near and dear ones. You could always share the news over social media or telephone, but the traditional way of breaking the news to those who are closest to you is with an engagement party.

Are you unsure about how and when you should plan your engagement party? Here is a round-up of all you have to know, so you can begin planning.

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Who hosts the engagement party?

Traditionally, this was done by the bride’s parents. Nowadays, there is really no set rule on who throws the party. At times it is the bride’s parents, or otherwise the groom’s parents. It isn’t too unusual to find the couple themselves hosting the party these days or even their friends doing it for them.

When is it held?

An engagement party is the occasion to officially announce your engagement. So, the earlier it is planned, the better. It is good to have the engagement party before you get too busy with wedding planning. This allows you to enjoy it fully, without worrying about the wedding. If you want to keep your engagement a surprise, an engagement party is the best occasion to announce this big news to all those who matter to you. Just make sure that the hosts or those who already know don’t spill the beans before the day.

What kind of a party should it be?

There are no set rules here. You could have a formal party, or choose to go with one that is casual and relaxed. Outdoor garden parties are great for celebrating engagements, but you could also have it at a club or in a hotel if you choose to. Traditional engagement parties were notorious for being serious and boring. But with a little creativity you can transform it into a fun-filled event. To get started, check out this article on The Huffington Post.

Who should be invited?

Engagement party etiquette was that only those in the wedding guest list were invited to this function. But, nowadays it is up to the hosts and the couple to decide who attends. You can either have an intimate gathering of your close friends and relatives, or a bigger affair where you invite co-workers, neighbors and associates as well. Couples may even choose to have more than one party for each group, but this depends on whether you have the time and the budget for it.

What do you wear?

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Your attire for the day should depend on the formality of the event and the venue. For a formal party choose an elegant evening gown that helps you stand out. For a casual outdoor affair, shorter dresses with interesting details would be a good choice. Your fiance should also choose his attire based on the same factors.

Are toasts part of the engagement party?

Yes, it is customary to toast the newly-engaged couple at the party. It can be done by their parents, or whoever hosts the party. The couple may also choose to raise a toast to the host of the party, if they aren’t hosting it themselves.

Now that you know all that you need to, on engagement parties, get ready to plan it. To find a suitable dress for this fantastic evening in your life, check out our collection of dresses for special occasions at Best for Bride.