Weddings are a joyous occasion, but sometimes the stress of planning a wedding combined with added pressure to conform to tradition or custom can put a damper on this exciting and memorable day. Though back in the 1800s weddings might have included or required certain customs, there is no need to force yourself to shoulder that burden today!
The best way to plan a wedding is the way you want to live it. Making a wedding a memorable occasion for you is all about throwing away the opinions and preconceptions of everyone else and doing what is right for you and your other half. Here we are going to break down and debunk 10 of the most commonly believed wedding planning myths so that you can skip the traditional hassle and get down to planning your perfect day. Here we go!
Family Needs to be Incorporated in the Traditional Way
In this day and age, many of us have non-traditional family structures. The stress of trying to figure out how to cram a non-traditional family into the traditional family parts of a wedding can be a big upset during some wedding planning sessions. If you don’t have a great relationship with your father, there is no need to have him walk you down the aisle or do a father and daughter dance. Similarly, if you have someone in your life who became a father figure, ask them instead! There is no need to tailor your day to suit other people’s perceptions or expectations.
You Need to Do the Traditional Wedding Activities
If they aren’t your style, don’t do them! If you would rather have a big meal altogether rather than throw a separate hen do and bucks night; do that! Don’t listen to people that tell you that you can’t. It’s your wedding, you can do whatever you’d like. Similarly to this decision, many people choose to steer clear of the garter and bouquet
activities. If these are right up your alley, go ahead; but many people think it is antiquated and uncomfortable to have your groom under your dress in front of everyone in your life. Equally, many people think it is silly to toss the bouquet to all the single women at your wedding and a tradition that doesn’t need to be included anymore.
You Need to Include Kids
This is an issue that is often up for debate. When I was growing up, I was a flower girl. At this wedding, my mum and dad were invited and I was; but my little 1-year-old brother wasn’t. This caused my mum to have to organize a babysitter in a town where we knew no one! Although it was awkward, my mum completely understood why the bride had made this decision. Kids can be an extra hassle, and can sometimes flip a whole ceremony on its head if they don’t feel like taking part as a flower girl or ring bearer. There are lots of other ways to include these two roles in the ceremony if you don’t want kids, or you can scrap these roles completely. If there’s a no kids rule, say no kids and keep to it! Similarly, if you just want your wedding party to have kids but not have kids anywhere else, that’s fine too. And also, if you want a wedding party free of kids but want kids to be invited, that’s also fine. You might have some disgruntled parents, but it could save you a lot of worry and hassle on the day.
You HAVE to Wear White
In all honesty, the majority of brides these days aren’t virgins, so the representative and sentimental value of white is almost gone! However, if you fancy wearing white, more power to you. Many brides can feel the traditional and often familial pressure to wear white just because it’s the ‘done thing’; and though the pressure you are feeling is valid, it is not a reason to choose not to do something that you might want to do. Some of the most powerful and elegant bridal gowns I have ever seen were black or coloured in some way. Some gowns that I personally love have a pink-y cream tint which ties them together so beautifully. The moral of the story, do not feel forced to wear white if you don’t want to.
Your Bridal Party Has to Wear the Exact Same Dress
Thankfully, this is a myth that is starting to become known as one. There was a period even just a decade or so ago, where brides seemed to think that their bridal party had to all look the same to look or seem cohesive. This is totally incorrect! Newsflash, many people have different body types and have different styles of dresses which make them feel comfortable or that flatters their body. For too long, brides were putting on a ‘who wore the dress better’ during their weddings for their poor bridesmaids. Now, a lot of brides choose a colour and then (with their bridesmaids), choose different styles of the same colour of the dress. This is actually more cohesive than trying to squeeze
different people into the same dress.
There is a Set List of Who Needs to Make a Toast
Many people think that there is a setlist of who needs to make toasts at a wedding reception, and this is totally false. You might love your maid of honour but be unsure if she can keep it together during a toast. And your groom might love his best man, but be unsure if he can keep the lewd stories from their untamed youth out of his speech. Some people might want their parents to have the opportunity to speak, and some might not want that at all! At the end of the day, it is all up to you. If you both have a really well-spoken friend who has known the two of you throughout the relationship and that you trust to speak; go ahead and ask them! Whatever you feel would make your special day perfect, go for it.
Cake is the Only Way
If you love cake, get a beautiful wedding cake. However, if the cake isn’t your jam, there are loads of other things you can do to celebrate. Some people get really extravagant with their substitutes, such as a make-your-own crepe bar or decorate your own cupcake stand. However, if you and your other half aren’t big dessert people, there is no wedding law or requirement that means you need to have a dessert at the reception. Have an assortment of fancy appetizers or nibbles available at your reception instead! The only thing not having a cake means you’ll miss out on is a picture of your cake at your reception and cutting the cake with your other half. But if neither of these is a problem for you, then more power to you with whatever you decide.
You Have to Have a Sit-Down Dinner
There is no need to have a sit-down dinner at the reception, but many people like to. In people’s eyes, there is no better way to do a grand entrance and toasts than if everyone is already sat down exactly where you want them to be. If you and your other half aren’t this formal, you could always opt for a more casual cocktail party with appetizers or finger food going around on trays, or even a buffet table with sofas and little tables dotted around if people want to sit down. Although a sit-down dinner is a more traditional way, it is also the more expensive way (by a long shot). You can still be gracious hosts without forking out a ridiculous amount of money on a sit-down meal.
More is Always More
From all my years of wedding planning experience and from going to weddings myself; I can tell you with all certainty and confidence that more is definitely not always better. As we have moved further into the 21 st century, people have started to realize that scaling back and doing tasteful things and enough can actually be more poignant than throwing money and decorations at your nuptials. Grand is no longer the trend, as people have started to realize that tasteful decorations are more suitable than grandeur at times.
Your Wedding is going to go Perfectly to Plan
This is the funniest myth of all. Do you think just because you put so much time, thought, and effort into planning your wedding that it will go exactly the way you want it to? Don’t be silly! Things do change and you may have to adjust your plans on the day. Life is messy, but don’t let it throw you off. Your day will be amazing, even if little things don’t go to plan.
About the Author:
Victoria Kirby is a wedding planner and design blogger with years of experience planning and going to weddings in the past two decades. She has a very supportive wife and two daughters who tolerate her constant wedding fever. She is a writer for Ph.D. Kingdom and Write my research paper, and also contributes her work to Origin Writings.