Tales of Horror – Worst Ideas For Wedding Dresses You Must Avoid Fast!
Outrageously Unique Head Ensembles
When you walk down the aisle, people will start assessing your appearance from your veil to your shoes and then back again, hopefully to focus on your radiant face. What if they stop in shocked silence at your outrageously unique headgear? You want awed silence at the heavenly vision you present, not shocked silence at the horrific apparition of whatever is on your head!
You have to avoid wedding dresses with headgears that
1) look like the nests of wild animals and your grandma’s whole flower garden;
2) allow your groom to bask in the shade like very wide hats;
3) hide your face completely like layers upon layers of veil;
4) bastardize Queen Amidala’s elaborate head ensembles; and
5) get in the way of the first matrimonial kiss.
Basically, you need a simple and elegant veil that will highlight your face while providing for the traditional head cover required in most church weddings. If you want embellishments on the veil, you can always have a small tiara tucked in there.
You might not have arms to die-for but trying on all bridal dresses with big sleeves can be the death of your look. Why avoid big sleeves like the bubonic plague? Let us count a few reasons:
1) your groom cannot sit beside you because your sleeves take up all the room;
2) you will bump guests off the dance floor; and
3) you will bump the wedding cake unto the floor.
However, there are a few advantages to wedding dresses with big sleeves like:
1) your sleeves can serve as pincushions;
2) your groom can use them as handkerchief – just lean to the right and sneeze; and
3) you can use them as small bags. Indeed, for every cloud there is a silver lining.
Your groom will appreciate the view but it is doubtful if the officiating priest will approve your plunging-to-the-nether-regions neckline. Maybe he will deliver a sermon on how there is a time for everything – a time to bare and a time to care. Or something like that.
If you are unfazed with the possibility of a long and winding sermon on how the modern Eves lead Adams to sin with their bridal gowns, then think about these possibilities:
1) your wedding rings can get lost in there and what a spectacle that will be;
2) your guests will stare at you and not in a good way – think jeers and leers; and
3) your turn being Janet Jackson with a wardrobe malfunction will happen on your most special of days. Do you really want your nipples to play peek-a-boo?
You have to remember that when it comes to wedding dresses, you might wear them once but you will wear their memories forever. And that is not including the guests who will remember you either in your most beautiful best or in your most horrible outfit ever! You choose.
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