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Marriage proposals—history, trivia, mistakes to avoid and 3 beautiful stories

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Have you ever checked out our wedding proposal contest on Best for Bride? If you haven’t already, you should! It is full of exciting stories of wedding proposals done right, and we are certain that you will enjoy reading the innovative and romantic ways in which the singular life-changing question, “Will you marry me?” was presented and accepted by different couples.

As I was going through these stories of love, I thought it’s a good idea to look at what marriage proposals are like today, and explore it a little deeper. So, join me as I dig into this subject and let’s have some fun. We also have three of our popular story favorites at the end of this post, so don’t forget to check them out as well.

Some history on the existence of marriage proposals

In many cultures around the world, it used to be and is still customary for the man to ask a woman’s father for her hand in marriage. This has changed in many cultures today, with women being in charge of their destinies and being asked for their hand in marriage, directly.

Accepting a proposal is not compulsory. Many couples choose to wait and see if they are indeed agreeable to spending a lifetime together, before they agree to get engaged. Nevertheless, a surprise proposal executed beautifully and thoughtfully is a thrill for every prospective bride, and one that most women dream of.

This article on the Wikipedia tells us how 29 February is the one day that women could propose to their partner, in countries like Scotland and Finland. Although proposals by women are more popular today, it is still considered the prerogative of a man to take this important step.

Proposing on bent knee

The symbolic gesture that has forever been associated with marriage proposals, most men (a whooping 76%) still favor the practice of proposing to their lady love on a bent knee. Although there is no definite history behind this practice, this article on the Love to know blog, sheds some insight.  It suggests that the gesture exalts the woman, as the man shows his respect to her by lowering himself. It is also comparable to the kneeling of knights when conferred an honor, and accepting a proposal of marriage is a similar honor. The practical reason suggested is that this pose of the man places the ring in an elevated position between the couple, This prevents the blocking of the light falling on the ring, and makes it more attractive. Isn’t that interesting? So, which of these reasons do you buy?

Now, let us look at some interesting trends, numbers and facts with regard to marriage proposals. Hopefully, this will give guys (or girls) a better idea of what would work, if they intend to pop their question sometime soon.

Facts, figures and trends

#Simple or showy?

We’ve seen plenty of romantic wedding proposals in sitcoms and movies, so which of these do you think would be the best for your woman? Is it the romantic and intimate style with just the couple there that the two of you would love? Remember the proposal scene in Pride and Prejudice? How romantic was it when Darcy proposed to Elizabeth on the moor at dawn. Is your girlfriend a fan of such scenes, or would she rather prefer the epic Flash Mob proposal on Cougar town, where Jules cannot deny the proposal because of how touching it was? (Despite her already being married, that is!)

Well, it so happens that 50% of women on the Robin Bros annual survey prefer that her partner spend majority of the funds on the ring, and keep the proposal simple. Despite this, a third of them wouldn’t mind having their engagement broadcast to the rest of the world, instead of keeping it just to themselves. After all, this is the age when reality shows rule us.

#Who should propose?

Traditionally, it was the man who proposed, except in specific cases and on specific days like we saw earlier. Now, things have changed a lot. 37% brides believe that it is fine to take on the responsibility of the proposal, rather than wait around for their partner to realize when it is time. This explains the new trend of engagement rings for men. In fact, the tradition of proposing on bent knee extends to this scenario too, but with the woman on her knee instead. Many men don’t really mind this type of proposal though, nor do they have any qualms about accepting it.

#When is the ideal time to propose?

Interestingly, women were more of the opinion that they had to wait for a while to make sure they were compatible as a couple, before deciding to get married. A fifth of the women on the Marriage proposal survey by Chillysauce mention that they would like to be proposed to on the anniversary of the day they got together. Men on the other hand, had no such personal dates as their preference, and chose Christmas Eve and Valentine’s day as the more likely dates to pop the question.

#Is it alright to propose on social media?

It is surprising how proposals, which were once considered very personal, are now finding more likes when executed in the public eye. A surprising 40% of women in UK, on the Chillysauce survey wouldn’t mind being proposed to over social media. Celebrities like Kelly Rowland and Kristen Bell have taken the leap to propose via the digital world, and more couples are following suit. However, the survey by Robin Bros in US suggested something different. Almost the entire population they surveyed deemed techie proposals as inappropriate and unromantic, even when followed by an in-person gesture. So, I think it differs from place to place, and person to person. So, give some thought to it before you make your move.

Now, let us move on from these numbers and get around to a more serious topic. If you are planning to get engaged in the near future, these definite proposal mistakes might be helpful.

Proposal mistakes to avoid

#Popping the question too early

There are women who want to get married right away, and then there are those who just aren’t sure. Like the survey said, most women like to wait it out and see if the relationship is headed anywhere, before they commit themselves entirely. While guys may be certain that they’ve finally met the woman of their dreams, girls are usually more skeptical. So, our suggestion is to wait till you are past the infatuation stage, you have had your first few arguments and are still certain that this relationship will work. This will save you the trouble of being in an awkward situation if she seems undecided or says no.

#Proposing empty-handed

Marriage proposals and engagement rings are a match made in heaven. One isn’t complete without the other! Proposing without the ring is a big, BIG mistake. So, what do you do if you aren’t sure that she’ll like the ring you pick? This article on the Knot suggests that you choose one from a store with an exchange policy.  Doesn’t that sound good? Or, if you have been engaged for long and both know that a wedding is on the cards, you can take her ring shopping. Our proposal story contest winners in Season 1, Darren and Angela did this.  They were together for 6 years,before they were engaged to be married. Darren knew her style by taking her out to look at rings in advance, and everything ended out fine in the end. Or, you could always consider proposing to your lady love in a ring store, like Patrick Dempsey did in the movie, Sweet Home Alabama.

#Not personalizing the proposal to suit her personality

Not all women may revel in the idea of being proposed to in front of hundreds of onlookers. Many would rather prefer being a park, or in a meaningful place with just the two of you or few onlookers who you know and would like to have there at the time. Make the moment about her, and your proposal will be more impressive. Many women love being proposed at the place where you first met. So, if your lady is a real romantic, you may like to consider this option. Also remember that your partner may prefer it if you had it well-planned, instead of just going with the flow and not taking it seriously enough. It is a life-time commitment after all, so give it the due importance it deserves.

#Ruining the surprise

You may have painstakingly created the perfect plan for your proposal, but beware of sharing it with too many people. Sure, you can enlist the help of your trusted friends or family, if you want help with executing it. You may even give a hint to her parents when you ask them for their blessings, but don’t share the details. Make sure that it is a secret, and not something that is public knowledge. You do not want your girlfriend hearing about it from someone, and the surprise being spoiled. She may also appreciate it better if she could break the news to everyone afterwards, than learn that they all knew it beforehand and it was a surprise only for her. Wait for the right moment, and give her the joy she deserves when you propose to her. You could even have a meaningful engagement with just the two of you, and then break the news to the rest of your gang with an engagement party.

It’s now time for us to look at some of our favorite proposals from our engagement proposal contest archives.

Proposal Contest Winners

1.Kristen and Jason’s Catch Phrase Proposal

This is one of the most romantic proposals we’ve ever come across. Jason caught Kristen off-guard with his proposal, by leading her to the scenario through playing the board game “Catch Phrase.” When it was Kristen’s turn to guess, Jason’s clues began with “It’s something you do, when you love someone.” Kristen’s first comical guess was buy them stuff. Her brother who was also playing, finally guessed ‘Proposal’, and all of a sudden Jason was on his knee, asking Kristen to marry him. How unique was that. Read all about this wonderful couple who were the season 2 winners of our story contest here.

2.Sean and Paige’s touching cancer to engagement story

Season 4 proposal story winner Paige was diagnosed with stage 3 lymphoma cancer and was in the hospital recovering from surgery. On the second night of her stay, Sean had all her visitors leave early, and walked in with a bouquet of roses. After showing her that he’d shaved his head so she wouldn’t be alone when she lost hers during therapy, he went on to propose to her. It was a touching moment, as Paige was too overwhelmed and ended up with her vital signs running berserk. Nevertheless, it was a wonderful proposal.

3.Louie and Rosie’s Pizza Proposal Story

This couple, on their fourth anniversary visited their favorite restaurant in Woodridge. Rosie went on to order her favorite pizza, and was upset that it took them more than an hour to get it ready. Just as she was above to give the staff a piece of her mind for the undue delay, her fiance took over and went to meet the staff. Surprise, surprise, he returned with a heart-shaped pizza that had “Will you marry me” written on it. How unexpected, exciting and thoughtful! And here’s the pizza that did the honors.

Isn’t it refreshing to read these stories and appreciate the beautiful thought that went into each of them? Our proposal story contest pages are full of hundreds of exciting stories, just like these. Why don’t you visit them here and pick out a few to read when you have some time to spare? Perhaps, even add your own story and enter the contest that is on?

For more interesting wedding advice, stories, shopping related tips and more, keep visiting us at Best for Bride.

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The unusual origins of some wedding customs

Traditional weddings brought together numerous wedding customs, many of which continue to this day. While we continue to practice several traditions that began ages ago, how many times do we actually consider where these practices originated? Today we will explore the tales and trivia behind some of the traditional customs. I’ll tell you this much before we begin, some of them are not only unexpected, but at times even bizarre. So, be prepared for some surprises along the way.

The wedding bouquet

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Brides today have a tough time choosing between nosegays and posies, tulips and roses, local flowers and international blossoms. Would it have been easier if we kept to the original practice of carrying a bouquet of garlic and chives as we walked down the aisle?

Believe it or not, this was the original bouquet, and the herbs were believed to ward off evil spirits and keep away germs. Isn’t it a lot better today, when the bouquet is beautiful and smells more pleasant?

Bridesmaids and their dresses

Modern brides may have so much more to worry about bridesmaids stealing the limelight, so imagine how it would have been if they belonged to the Victorian age. During those days, bridesmaids dressed up to look just like the bride, dress, veil and all. The belief was that this would confuse the evil spirits of who the bride was, and thus keep her out of harm’s way.

Do you TAKE this woman as your wife?”

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Up until the 18th century, brides were kidnapped by the groom, and hence the relevance of this saying. How Stuff Works mentions that the bride and groom went into hiding for a whole month following the abduction by when all the din surrounding it would die down. This interesting practice is also associated with the concept of the Honeymoon that follows the wedding.

The White wedding dress

The white wedding dress was originally introduced by Queen Victoria, when she was married to Prince Albert in 1840. Before this, brides just wore one of the best dresses they owned, on their wedding day. Following Queen Victoria’s wedding, the idea of white symbolizing virginity and purity became popular, and it became the favorite wedding color. This practice continues to this day, and most brides have difficulty associating any other color with a wedding outfit.

The tiered wedding cake

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There are several traditions that relate to the origin of the tiered wedding cake. The one we found to be most interesting was the French practice of piling up cake to as high a height as possible. The married couple would have to kiss above the cake to be assured of a successful marriage.

The practice of preserving the top tier of the wedding cake also has a story to it. During those days, it was expected that the couple would have their first child in the year that followed their wedding. So, the cake tier that was preserved would serve as the christening cake for the baby and avoid extra expense that way. Fruit cake was the choice at the time, as it was one of the few flavors that wouldn’t spoil.

Hope that was an interesting read. For more wedding related stories, advice and shopping tips, visit us at Best for Bride.

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Wedding Traditions from around the world

Weddings are special in every country and community. It is perhaps the one joyous occasion in life, that the entire world deems worthy of celebration. Hence, there are traditional rituals associated with this occasion, that have been followed for ages, and continue to this day. Let us look at some wedding customs from various countries of the world, and understand how each culture solemnizes the union of man and woman.

China

China is a huge country with many ethnic groups. So, the wedding customs vary greatly from one region to another. The traditional style of matchmaking had matchmakers who took the proposal from the groom to the girl’s family. The wedding was fixed only after a fortune teller predicted whether the couple would have a happy life together. Traditional wedding attires of both bride and groom were in red. The bride and her party were expected to cry for days leading up to the wedding, as this symbolized her grief of leaving her home. After the wedding rituals, the guests were treated to a feast, that often had six or nine courses.

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India

Indian weddings involve several rituals and take days to complete. The traditional bridal attire includes heavy jewelry, elaborate hairstyles with flowers and beautiful dresses with plenty of golden embroidery and embellishments. The bride is adorned with turmeric during the Haldi ceremony, and her hands and feet decorated with mehendi (semi-permanent tatoos) a few days before the wedding. The groom’s family arrives in a procession and are welcomed by the bridal party. The couple exchange flower garlands to symbolize their acceptance of each other. In some cultures, the groom ties a necklace called the mangalsutra, around the bride’s neck and this has to be worn by the bride at all times.The couple circle the holy fire, as they vow to love and care for each other.

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Ghana

In Ghana, the wedding ceremony begins with the groom and his family members knocking on the door of the bride’s house and making their wedding proposal. They hand over gifts to the girl’s family, and if these are accepted it means their proposal will be considered. On the day of the wedding, the elders discuss dowry arrangements and then the bride is asked if she agrees to marry the groom. Once she does, the couple exchange rings and prayers are said. The guests are treated to a feast during the reception.

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Arab weddings

In Arabic weddings, the couple exchange rings on their engagement day. A day before the wedding, the bride’s hands and feet are decorated with henna and the groom gives the bride her mehr, or gold. The marriage ceremony or the Nikah begins with the religious representative reciting prayers and telling the group how husbands and wives should honor their relationship and each other. Legal documents are filled out and signed by the groom and the bride’s father, witnesses sign the contract and the marriage is official.

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Mexico

In Mexico, the couple’s Godparents sponsor their wedding. Flamenco-style ruffled dresses are the traditional bridal dress choice. The bride changes her outfit a number of times during the ceremony. The reception buffet includes traditional dishes like spicy rice and beans. The cake is a rich fruit cake, and almond cookies are an essential sweet treat served at the reception.

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For more information on weddings, or to buy your wedding dress or accessories, visit us at Best for Bride.

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10 topics you must discuss with your partner before marriage

kiss“Happily ever after is not a fairy tale. It’s a choice.”    Fawn Weaver

A happy marriage involves a lot of adjustments and compromises. The change in your relationship status will reflect on how you see each other as a couple, and also have a significant effect on your personal and social lives. There are many things that are bound to change. Some of these will be evident from the minute you are engaged, while others become obvious over time. As with any other relationship, expectations change, obligations increase and with all this, the scope for arguments also increases. Soon after the honeymoon phase wears off, many couples start battling challenges.

Nevertheless, no relationship is hassle-free. While most factors will fall into place over time, discussing the potential problem areas in a relationship before you tie the knot will help you avoid quarrels to a great extent, in the future.

Let us take a look at the most important things (in no specific order) that couples should discuss with each other, and reach a consensus on, before they agree to spend their lifetime together.

We do not suggest that you sit down and discuss all this in one go. Instead, take your time to talk about it, but make sure everything is sorted out.

1.Finances and bills

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How do you intend to settle your bills, once you are married? What is your household budget? Will you pool all your income together, or will you retain individual bank accounts and split the expenses? If so, who pays what? How much personal spending is too much? Discuss how you will handle emergencies, gift giving and daily spending, and there will be fewer nasty surprises in the future.

Making a plan and sticking to it, is a lot easier if you are currently living together, and already have sorted things out to a great extent. Nevertheless, this should be a definite point to discuss, as a surprisingly large number of marriages are affected by money problems. If either of the partners comes into the marriage with an outstanding debt, you should discuss how this will be handled. The same goes for a partner who has an asset, how will this be treated?

2.Careers

Both you and your partner should be aware of where the other is on the career ladder, and what your job aspirations are. Discuss what your careers will be like five years from now. Will you be taking on a more demanding role, and if so, what will that involve for your spouse? Do you see yourself quitting work to finish studies? If so, how long will that take, and when do you plan to do it? Will your career require you to travel extensively or relocate to a new destination in the future, and is your spouse fine with this?

While you are at this, also discuss options for worst-case scenarios, say one of you couldn’t work. How will you handle such a situation? This will prepare you in advance for giving due importance to both your career aspirations in the coming years.

3.Your dreams and biggest wishes

If your current career is just a stepping stone till you put aside enough money to start your own business or pursue an artistic venture, make sure your partner knows about it. Whether you will be without an income for a short while in the future, or you need support while you try to break into a new career, your partner will be better equipped to assist you, if he/she is in the know and agreeable to it. This is very important, especially if your future plans involve drastic changes to your current situation.

It is not just about your job, but you should share your ideas for your personal goals too. Do you wish to move abroad and settle down in the future? If so, it wouldn’t be fun when you put this idea across to your partner post-marriage, and he/she is shocked by the very idea. It may be too early to think of settling down, but you should still discuss where you would prefer to buy a house and live long-term. Although all this may change in due course, you should both be open to the current expectations, or it can be a huge source of worry.

4.Family obligations

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Once you are married, it is no longer “me”, but “we.” You cannot just assume that everything you’ve done with the rest of your family, will continue to be the same in future. Your partner’s family will also enter into the equation, and radical changes are to be expected. Remember that your partner may not be as excited as you are, about spending every Sunday at your parents’ place, just as you may not be if it were the reverse.

Have reasonable expectations, and your fiancé will respect your requests and appreciate your personal space better. Rather than argue about where to spend next Christmas, it will be better if you discuss this upfront. How about family vacations? Will this be a continuing practice, or will you consider each event only if it works for you at the time? You can always change your plans down the line, but setting the expectations right will prepare you better for the near future.

5.Children

 

baby-17369_1280There are couples who decide they want to start a family right away, those that want to put off having children for years, and some that don’t want children at all. The important thing is that you realize your partner may not share your idea. So, be sure to discuss this before you commit. Just because he loves playing with kids, it doesn’t mean he will want some of his own, or that he is ready to bear the responsibilities of a child soon after marriage.

So, don’t put off the discussion regarding having children, till after you are married. It would also be a good idea if you can decide how long you should wait before having your first child, so you can plan your life ahead accordingly. Discuss how long you would try naturally before considering medical help and what methods you are prepared to consider if there is an issue.

6.Boundaries

Arguments are part of a healthy relationship, but there shouldn’t be anything that constantly results in disagreement and either of you refuse to relent. Whether it is having his friends over all the time, either of you volunteering the other for a job the person despises, or your excessive shopping, make sure you both know where either of you have draw the line. If you take a look at the many wedding forums, you will quickly notice that many spouses constantly struggle with handling a certain habit or action of their partner. Most of the time, this puts a strain on the relationship and is a constant cause for worry. The problem usually is that these couples didn’t discuss their boundaries before they got married, or despite doing this, their partner doesn’t honor their interests.

Marriage is all about compromises and adjustments, but it should be in a direction that promotes a healthy relationship. Whether it involves family or friends, you should both realize that your partner too has a say in it, just as you do in their case, once you are married. So, you may have to rethink the way you handled things in the past. If some aspect leaves one of the partners constantly miserable, it is unfair and means that the other person should be more accommodating. Ensure that both partners know what drives the other nuts, and the two of you work on a solution to it. This will save your sanity in the future.

7.Past events

The past may be gone, but cannot always be forgotten. Honesty is crucial to building trust in a marriage, and you should share all the relevant details of your past with your partner. If there is some event in the past that will have significant bearing in your future, your fiancé should know of it. Make sure that your partner knows your family history, your past relationships and how they have shaped you, your sorrows and also achievements.

It is not just the negative, but the positives too that you should share with each other. Remember that discussing the past allows you to understand each other better, and build intimacy. Nothing shatters a relationship so much as when a partner comes of know of something significant in your past, which they believe you should have told them prior to marriage.

8.Faith and beliefs

If either of you are religious, and expect your partner to participate in religious celebrations or events, make sure your partner knows. One’s family background needn’t be an indication of how they conform to a particular faith. So, don’t assume your partner is religious just because his parents are. On the contrary, if your partner is dedicated to his faith, while you don’t plan to be involved in it, it will be best if you convey this to him and avoid a rift in the future.

If you plan to have children, you should also discuss how you will bring them up, if both of you don’t share the same beliefs.

9.Division of household responsibilities

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Gone are the days when the woman ruled the roost, and the man provided for the family. Now, the boundaries have blurred so much, that both are equal partners with equally demanding roles at home and at work. Unless you already have a list of who does what, you should discuss this before you tie the knot.

Don’t expect to divide the task list into two, but make sure that both of you do your reasonable share. If there is something like cooking or laundry that you hate doing, don’t just delegate this responsibility to your fiancé. Instead, inform them and work on a solution. These things are best sorted out at the beginning of the relationship, as it can otherwise trigger arguments, when one partner feels they are handling the lion’s share of the responsibilities at home.

10.“Me” time

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Neither of you can forego of your personal relationships, just because you get married. You have your friends, and he has his. You are lucky if you mostly have common friends, and don’t mind sharing all your time together. However, this isn’t always the case. There could be times when he wants to chill out with his friends, or you want to go on a shopping expedition with yours.

Don’t let your marriage stand in the way of your having fun. Make an arrangement with each other to continue doing what you love, without the other stepping in the way. Spending time alone, without your spouse, will give you some space to yourself. It will also make the transition from “me” to “us” easier. Try to be respectful of when the other is spending time away from you, by not planning any couple activities or family events that disrupt this routine. So, the next time you are invited home for a family dinner on Sunday, ask your partner before accepting the invitation, if that is when he will be having his band practice with his mates.

 

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It is of course, possible that your individual situation will involve more factors. For example, this list on the Huffington Post,  prioritizes a discussion on how important IKEA is in your life. It may sound irrelevant (even funny) to many. But as they say, at least some marriages are greatly affected by something as trivial as spending too much time at a home improvement store. So, expand your list, to suit your personal situation.

Relationship counselor and author, Leslie Vernick says, “ A healthy relationship is one where both people in the relationship give and both receive. There is a safe and open exchange of ideas, feelings and thoughts and all perspectives are considered and valued. There is also the freedom to respectfully challenge, confront and strengthen one another.”

Let this guide you as you enjoy your engagement and begin your marriage on the right note. For more wedding tips and advice, keep visiting us at Best for Bride.