Valentine’s Day, the official day when love and lovers are celebrated worldwide, is almost here. Could there be a more romantic day for a couple in love to be married on?
This article on History.com discusses the many legends about St. Valentine. One of them suggests that this day is celebrated in memory of a saint who defied Emperor Claudius’ rules that outlawed marriage of young soldiers. He took it upon himself to conduct the weddings of young lovers in secret, thus defying the law. So, you do understand that there is a tale that associates this day with weddings. Nonetheless, it is undeniable that this is one of the most romantic days ever, and you do not need a reason whatsoever, to get married on this special day.
If you are indeed planning, or even considering getting married on Valentine’s day, here are some ideas to perfect your special day. So, here we go.
Celebrating with your nearest and dearest is at the heart of most couples’ wedding days and if you’re lucky enough to have everyone you love there, then you are truly blessed. Sadly, for many of us, we may have lost a parent, relative or friend who we wished could have seen us walk down the aisle and live happily ever after.
While nothing can replace a loved one being at your wedding, there are a few lovely ways that you can include them in your big day. Paying your respects in a way that is fitting to you and the relationship you shared with the person you lost will be more genuine and heartfelt than doing something completely out of style or character, so to help you out, I’ve put together a list of 8 different ways you could include them in your wedding, from subtle and sweet to quirky and unique.
Save them a seat
Some couples choose to leave an empty chair at the ceremony or reception as a tribute to a lost loved one, perhaps even placing their photo or a single flower on the seat. This makes quite a big statement and would be a fitting tribute to a deceased parent or sibling but may be very emotional for you if your loss is still very raw, so consider carefully how you’ll feel about seeing the empty chair and how that will affect your day.
Incorporate their favourite flowers
Flowers have the ability to evoke emotions in us and the combination of the sight and smell of your loved one’s favourite flowers are sure to conjure up happy memories while you walk down the aisle, eat the wedding breakfast and dance the night away. I always remember my nan loved Lilies and I still think of her when I catch the scent of them in the supermarket now. More subtle than an empty chair, this is a way for you to honour your loved one a little more privately.
Hayley decided to incorporate flowers in a different way; her granddad always carried Lavender in his pocket, so Hayley ordered one of my Lavender hair pins and a matching buttonhole for her mum as a tribute to her granddad. She also had a pin made in blue, for her “something blue”, which I absolutely loved!
Incorporate a piece of their clothing
There are lots of lovely ways that you could incorporate items of clothing. You could stitch a small scrap from a shirt into your wedding dress, use one of their handkerchiefs to wipe away happy tears (I surprised myself by how weepy I was on my wedding day!), wrap one of their ties or silk scarves around your bouquet or even have their wedding dress refitted and restyled for you to wear yourself. A couple of nice buttons from a shirt or jacket sewn on to the handle of your bouquet, dress or suit would make a lovely subtle tribute too.
Wear a piece of their jewellery
Wearing a piece of their jewellery, particularly something sentimental like their engagement or wedding ring is sure to make you feel their presence, plus it doubles up as your something old and something borrowed, so a win-win all round!
Carry a brooch bouquet
And if you don’t want to wear a piece of their jewellery, why not incorporate it into your bouquet? Brooch bouquets are growing increasingly popular these days and can take a variety of forms, with some including a mix of fresh or artificial flowers and a few brooches, to complete vintage works of art, crafted from pieces of costume and antique jewellery. The beauty of brooch bouquets is that they last forever and you could even have a go at creating one for yourself if you feel like getting creative!
My favourite thing about designing brooch bouquets for brides is hearing all the lovely stories behind the pieces of jewellery they ask me to include. Katie’s grandparents had sadly passed away before her wedding so she sent me pearl necklaces and her grandfather’s cracked watch to put into her bouquet; They added a sentimental and vintage element to her bouquet and Katie said that she felt like her grandparents were with her on her wedding day – how lovely is that?
Dedicate a song or reading
Did your loved one have a favourite poem or song that you could include in your wedding? Save them a dance and twirl around the dancefloor when their favourite song comes on or use their favourite poem as part of the ceremony (depending on the nature of it of course!) or speeches, or even before the wedding breakfast to start the celebrations. Again this can be as subtle or obvious as you like and gives you a chance to honour your loved ones privately or publically.
Display photographs
Displaying photographs of your loved ones at your wedding is another way to include them. Go big and bold and create a display showcasing your happiest memories together or keep it subtle with a memory locket or bouquet charm.
Kelly’s dad sadly passed away when she was little and she wanted to carry a locket with his photograph attached to her bouquet. Her fiancé, Dan, wanted to honour his granddad too, so they sent me some photos of the two men and I resized them using Photoshop to fit inside a locket and a pair of cufflinks. I love this idea as it’s something you could easily do yourself with a bit of photo editing software to resize your images and you can pick up blank lockets and cufflinks from craft stores or online fairly inexpensively too!
Include them in your cake toppers
This is slightly offbeat, but an idea I love nonetheless! If you’ve decided to have a personalised cake topper, you could include elements that remind you of your lost loved one. Meg and Jerry did this beautifully; Jerry’s dad had sadly passed away and so he and Megan decided to pay tribute to him in their cake topper. Jerry wore a cap in honour of his dad, so we added that to the cake topper, along with the football gear that Jerry himself wore in his college football days.
However you choose to honour your lost loved ones, I hope it brings you a sense of comfort and a feeling of their presence on your special day. What ways do you plan to include those you’ve lost in your wedding? I’d love to hear your ideas so feel free to leave a comment below!
About the author: Sarah is the owner of Elsa Rose Boutique and spends her days designing wedding accessories for brides that are looking for something a little different. From bespoke hair accessories and brooch bouquets to cute cake toppers, she captures the personalities of her brides and grooms and makes the sentimental details sparkle to create lasting keepsakes that will be treasured forever. Find out more at elsaroseboutique.com
I like to compare wedding planning to a mine that’s waiting to explode. The potential for problems is huge! Every couple faces at least a few awkward moments when planning their wedding. Many assumptions may be made that you cannot oblige to, you may have to say no on occasions, and where people are concerned there is no saying who can feel offended about what!
Here are 7 real sticky situations that you will most likely have to handle during your wedding planning process. We’ve also included the best possible solutions you can consider to make it as easy as possible.
#1 Tell a friend or relative that they are not in the wedding party
It could be that everyone thinks you are fond of them. Add that to the fact that you have a huge friend circle and an equally big family, it is likely that there may be at least a friend or relative who assumes they will be in the wedding party. If there are on the wedding party list, fine! If you haven’t included them, you have a situation to handle!
It isn’t easy telling someone that they are to be a guest and not in the wedding party. The best way to handle the problem is to take care of it as soon as you doubt your friend or cousin assumes they are in without you ever mentioning it. Tell her directly that as much as you would love to have her in the party, the situation is such that you would prefer to have her enjoy the wedding as a guest instead. You could offer a valid explanation, like you want to keep the wedding party small. (Only if this is a fact! It will harm your relationship even more if she ends up seeing a dozen bridesmaids on the day, and she alone isn’t one). Make it clear that you value your relationship with her a lot, and would love to have her involved in the wedding in any other way possible. Stress that you would not want this to harm your relationship in any way, and be genuine with your words. We are sure she’ll understand if she is a sensible and reasonable girl.
#2 When you’d rather have cash
Many couples struggle with telling their guests that they’d rather have cash or gift coupons, than gifts that wouldn’t help them. This could be because money would help them pay off a loan, or they could use it on their honeymoon, or because they would like to buy an expensive item like a vehicle. In all these cases, money would really help.
If you are in any of these situations, we know how you could be whether you ought to or not convey this message to your guests. Well, we think you should! First step, set up your wedding website, where you will be sharing your wedding registry information. Next, add a “gift cash towards xxx” as one of the top options in the registry and link it to your bank account. Share the website wedding registry with your contacts, so they are directed towards the page that prioritizes what you’d like to have, in a specific order.
The other option is to link your wedding registry to sites like Tendr , that allows guests to pick cards and send it with their well wishes to the couple. Now, if a guest were to ask you in person about your preferences, they would ideally be asking because they really want to get you something you want. So, don’t hesitate to tell them that you are saving up for whatever you are. If they are comfortable giving you cash, you can hope they will once they know of this.
#3 Telling your parents (or in-laws) that you want something different
Isn’t it funny how so many parents and their children fight over how the wedding should be held or planned, from the moment the planning is in progress? It is not too often that we see couples who want a modern, relaxed wedding with interesting and unique elements, while their parents would rather have a traditional-style formal wedding that can never go wrong. If the parents on either side are sharing the expenses, we know how quickly tempers can soar and all those involved can end up in a foul mood.
Rather than locking horns with your families, we suggest that you handle such situations tactfully. First, consider if you can do anything to accommodate your family’s ideas. If not the whole thing, if you can incorporate at least a few ideas, they will feel a lot better. Then, decide upon the things that you refuse to compromise on. When you present your final idea to the family, first tell them which of their suggestions will be included in the wedding. This will calm the atmosphere to a great extent. Then tell them what the rest of the plans are, and also that it is your wedding and you wouldn’t really be happy if these details weren’t part of it. So, request them to understand and convey how grateful you are for all they are doing.
#4 When a relative wants to take over as a wedding vendor
Yes, we’ve all been there, when a budding photographer in your family wants to be in-charge of the wedding photography, or an enthusiastic aunt wants to bake the wedding cake. It may be a bad idea to hand them the job unless these people are professionals. Now, even when they are professionals who are used to doing these for weddings, you may not agree with their style of work or may not be happy about giving them the responsibility for a range of reasons.
After all, working with a relative or friend is not the same as working with a vendor who you’ve hired for the job. You have to be cautious about everything you say, as you two have a relationship that could be hurt. In worst cases, they may disagree with what you want and even do things they think best. But, it may sometimes be a good idea, if they will offer you a discount or if you are really fond of the way they handle things. Unless this is the case, you should learn to say “No” to their offer diplomatically.
You can tell them you would love to have them handle the job, but you have already decided on another vendor. Or, the better option is to tell them that you don’t want to hire them for your wedding as you want them there as a guest, and not working all day and unable to participate or enjoy the wedding as they should. This clearly conveys that you value their presence, and if they appreciate it genuinely, this should put an end to the discussion.
#5 Saying No to guests you cannot afford to have
There’s this scene in the sitcom “Castle”, where Castle and Beckett mention to his mother that they were working on the guest list for the wedding, expecting her to suggest how they reduce it. In the blink of an eye, she rushes off to bring out her own guest list for the wedding!
Don’t be startled if you find the same thing happen in your case! Many couples are faced with the tough decision of saying no to guests that they cannot have at their wedding. If parents are paying, or if friends are pushovers who must invite people on their behalf, the situation is anything but pleasant.
We suggest that you be honest when you tell your parents, relatives or friends why it simply isn’t feasible to have any more guests than you have planned. Since your parents will anyway be inviting at least a few people, please give them a specific number beforehand. They can then prioritize who goes on the list and who can be left out. Make your mind up about how far you can stretch with any extra additions, and make sure you stick to it. After all, your wedding is all about having the people who matter the most to you. It is not about having a huge party where you hardly know half the faces there, or is it?
#6 Planning your bridesmaid’s dress budget
One of the reasons many women dread being asked to be a bridesmaid, is the financial burden that comes along with it. Let’s face it, bridesmaids have to pay for a dress that they may not like at all, pay for the accessories, spend on the bachelorette, bridal shower and gift for the bride. All this will take a chunk out of their savings. It is worse if they are still in college or have their financial constraints.
So, the best thing you can do is be reasonable when deciding what your bridesmaids should wear. Our suggestion is to be flexible, and consider a range of choices in dresses, so your bridesmaids can pick the easiest one on their pockets. Instead of having them dress up in matching outfits, think out of the box, and go with the mix ‘n’ match trend. This gives them the freedom to choose from the choices you have shortlisted. It is also likely that they will pick a dress that they can use again.
A good friend would also consider easing their financial burden by paying for the bridesmaid accessories or hair and makeup. Now, if you have been a bridesmaid at all these girls’ weddings previously, and they weren’t half as considerate, we think it is up to you to decide how to handle the situation. It wouldn’t be wrong if you kept their expenses similar to what you had to incur if this is the case. Else, think of what you can do to help out, maybe make use of sales and discounts or keep your dress selection reasonable so they do not begrudge you for your choices later.
#7 Talk money with your parents or in-laws
You think you’ve heard your parents mention sometime in the past, that they’ve put aside a certain amount for your wedding expenses. But do you ask for it once you are engaged and planning the wedding? Is it appropriate to bring up the topic? Well, it’s mom and dad, and if you are certain there’s money set aside for you, it shouldn’t be wrong to confirm so you can plan the wedding accordingly.
Ideally, they should bring the topic up if they have any such plans. So, it may not always be best to bring up the topic yourself. If they are quiet, it may be because something’s changed and not because they’ve forgotten about it. Never assume that they will pay, and go about planning your wedding based on this assumption. If they disagree, don’t feel entitled to it and have your plans go bust. Instead, share the wedding plans you have in mind and the quotes you collect from vendors. They will be more comfortable mentioning what they want to contribute when you do it this way.
If there is no talk about the money at all, you can either ask them what happened to the fund they put aside (that is, if you are sure they have), or ask them if they could help and you could repay it later.
As we said earlier, weddings are tricky events that can cause so much stress to any bride and groom. Nevertheless, it is important always to keep the big picture in mind. When you think of the priorities in your life and how you can celebrate the event that brings you and your partner together forever, you can tide over any awkward situation and leave it out of your mind forever.
If you are newly engaged and beginning your research on wedding dresses, don’t be surprised if you are confused by terms like “fit and flare”, trumpet style, mermaid, etc. These are all words that commonly float around in bridal boutiques, those that you will hear during wedding dress shows and even see on blog pages like ours.
To be honest, this industry has its own language! Unless you’ve been following it closely, it can sound confusing and you may have no idea what the terms mean. But, as a soon-to-be bride, we think it is essential that you familiarize yourself with some of the most commonly used wedding terms before you go shopping. This will make you more comfortable and also allow you to understand what your bridal consultant means when she uses technical terms to define a dress. Trust us, it will save you from feeling overwhelmed at your dress appointment.
To save you the trouble of finding all these out by yourself, we have compiled the commonly used words from the wedding world here. This will allow you to describe the dress in your vision in crisp terms to your shop assistant, without having to just search through hundreds of dresses to find what you think you want.
