Expert answers to 7 tricky bridesmaid situations

By on October 10, 2016

Bridesmaids are the women who share the stage with you on your wedding day. This is a position that you should confer after thoroughly thinking it through. This is because they have an important role to play at your wedding; it is one where they will have to handle several responsibilities.

However careful or calculating you may be when choosing your bridesmaids, you can still end up with unexpected surprises or awkward situations in this area at different stages of the wedding planning process. Sometimes, the issues may crop up right from the time you start choosing your bridesmaids, at other times it may be an issue that suddenly popped up when you thought everything was progressing beautifully.

Bridesmaids

Image Credits: Micadew, via Flickr, CC BY 2.0

 

Here are some issues that brides have had to tide over, and let us look at the best way to handle each of them.

Q. Who to choose when you have more than one Bestie?

Enter Friends, with Monica who had to choose between Rachel and Phoebe, or Jules on Cougar Town with Ellie and Laurie! This is a situation we’ve seen time and again. If you have always been certain of who to choose as your Maid of Honor, and its been mutually agreed upon, lucky you! If not, do not worry, we have a few solutions for you to consider.

  • Leave it to the girls to decide among themselves, if you think that is the best approach. Of course, be prepared to go with whoever they decide to choose, if you take this route.
  • Ask them both. There is no problem with having two Maids of Honor, and it can perhaps be easier on them too as they can share the responsibilities and you needn’t feel guilty about your decision. This is the easiest and most practical approach, especially if you seem to be getting nowhere with making a choice.
  • If you have a sibling who you trust to take care of everything well, it is best to ask her and avoid stressing over it further. This will also save you from the problem of choosing between friends.
  • When considering your choices, give priority to responsibility, availability and organizing ability. Remember your maid of honor should be available and able to make things easier for you, and not just someone you choose so she is happy.

Q. What to do if a bridesmaid is pregnant or a new mom at the time of the wedding

Since you’ll be engaged for a long time, don’t expect all your bridesmaids to be in their current situations at the time of your wedding. They may or may not! However, having a bridesmaid who is pregnant or a new mom doesn’t have to change too many things. The best approach in this situation is to ask her what she would be comfortable doing. If your friend would still love to continue being your bridesmaid, trust her with it. If she is nervous and would prefer to back out, it is best to go with her choice. If your friend would like to continue in the role, make sure you do all you can so she is comfortable. You may have to make a few changes to plan when ordering her dress. It may have to be altered or you may have to choose it closer to the wedding. So, plan the logistics accordingly. Also, entrust her with light responsibilities, given her situation. She will already be handling a hundred extra things of her own, so don’t stress her out with more than she can handle. Just talk to her and find out all you can about how you can make things easy for her, and we are sure it will all work out well for both of you.

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Q. When your bridesmaids hate the dress you chose

It is impossible to make everyone happy, and yes, it is your happiness that ultimately matters. So, if your choice for the bridesmaids dress doesn’t find favor with the girls, you can still stick to it. All the same, remember that there are several ways in which you can work around this and find a choice that they can be happier about.

Many brides make the mistake of choosing bridesmaids dresses in unusual colors, that many girls find unappealing. The mix and match bridesmaids look is one of the best ways to tide over this issue and get you what you want, while your bridesmaids are also happy. You can keep two or three factors uniform, like the color, neckline, hemline or designer collection, and allow your girls to choose any dress they like as long as these factors are met. Find out how to do this right, by checking out this previous article of ours. The other way is to go with a neutral color or universally flattering pattern and step up the style with colorful accessories or bold fashion items. Here are some suggestions for some colors that work this way in this post.

Spend some time researching your options and be open to ideas that fit in with your wedding aesthetic. You may not only find a choice that everyone adores, but it may also give you something unique that sets your wedding apart. Also ask your bridesmaids if they have any suggestions and then make a choice that nobody can totally hate. This way, you’ll be happy and so will your bridesmaids.

Pantone colors

Q. Your bridesmaids think they are paying too much for everything

When a bridesmaid agrees to be one, she knows she signs up to spend some money for your wedding. So, it is part of the deal. Nevertheless, it is up to you to be reasonable about what you choose, so you don’t make your friends regret their decision later. This bridesmaid voices her concerns, in this post on Apartment Therapy, and she tells us how difficult it is for her to cough up all the money she is expected to spend for her friend.

Remember that this applies to your bridesmaids too. They have to pay for a dress which they may never wear again, pay for the bridal shower and wedding gift, hair, makeup, accessories, and these things can quickly add up. So, if you value your friendship, it is only right that you are understanding and either stick to reasonable plans where they have to pay only what they can afford, or volunteer to pay for anything extravagant. The best approach is to have options for everything from the dress to the gift, and allow them to pick from the choices based on their comfort. Your wedding shouldn’t leave any of your friends in a financial crunch, and unless you have been on the receiving end with the same friends previously, it is only wrong if you do. If you think the dress price exceeded your idea, or if they have paid more than they expected to, you can always buy them their accessories like shoes or jewelry and take that burden off them. They deserve it for all the hard work (and money!) they are putting in to make your day extra-special.

Q. What to do when one of my bridesmaids just doesn’t get along with the rest

Your bridesmaids are a team, and they do have to spend some time together to plan their roles and responsibilities properly. Having a bossy bridesmaid or one who always seems to disagree with the rest can throw the entire situation into chaos. So, the first step is to recognize the likelihood of any such problems arising, before you pop your question to your bridesmaids. If there is a difficult friend in your list, consider whether it is more important that they be a bridesmaid than avoiding arguments among your bridesmaids. If you think it is, you may have to take on an active role to avoid potential problems. This article on Huffington post gives some practical solutions in this regard. Firstly, avoid tricky situations that can lead to friction.  You can delegate responsibilities like the shower to a particular person, even outside the bridesmaid group to avoid arguments. Delegate only specific responsibilities to her, so she won’t have to cross paths with an opponent. Pair her off with those who can handle her with tact. Finally, before your wedding day, sit her down and personally ask her to put aside her differences and cooperate, so your day goes well. If she cares even an ounce for your happiness, she will handle it well and make sure that the excitement of your day is not ruined due to her petty and unnecessary problems.mix ‘n’ match bridesmaids dress

Q. What to do when a bridesmaid can’t keep the wedding planning details a secret

Whether it is because she is super-excited about your wedding, or simply jealous of what you have, it is simply wrong to tell others your wedding planning secrets. If your bridesmaid does this by mistake, let it go, but make sure to ask her nicely to never repeat it. Despite this, if she continues with gossiping, it may be better if you act immediately. If you wait too long, she can cause your wedding surprises to be ruined by her inconsiderate behavior. Aim for a solution where you involve only those who can keep their thoughts to themselves, in the planning. Don’t make it into a bitter problem and spoil the entire mood by arguing with the person who spills the beans every time. Be discrete and don’t give any details if she keeps asking you for what’s going on. If you want to handle it diplomatically, and not create any unpleasant situations, assign a generic project to her and leave her with it. Make sure it is one that won’t make a difference even if she goes around telling the town what is involved, and it’ll keep her busy from interfering with the rest.girls-685787_1280

 

Q. Is it alright if my bridesmaid lives far away and will be arriving just in time for the wedding

This isn’t too rare these days. After all, you may have friends right from the time you were a little girl, who are close to you despite the physical distance. Although it may not be easy to shop for the bridesmaid dress or plan the shower from long-distance, it is still possible. Where dress shopping is concerned, you can simply mail her the options or share links to the collection online, and ask her for her opinions. Once the choice is made, you should order it for her, along with the dresses for your other bridesmaids. For this you need to know her dress size. Make sure that your bridesmaid is measured by a professional seamstress, so you get the measurements right before ordering the dress. Since you will mostly be ordering all the bridesmaids dresses in one go and from the same dye lot, make sure you know this before you place the order. Once the dress arrives, ship it to her right away. This will allow her to get the alterations done, so it is ready to be worn when she travels for the wedding. Where the bachelorette parties and bridal showers are concerned, it is up to your maid of honor and other bridesmaids to plan it. If you would like her to attend, see if it is possible to move these events closer to the wedding date. Since you want her to be involved in the wedding as much as the rest of the wedding party is, you can consider designating some day-of tasks to her. Nevertheless, remember that she may be tired from the journey and so accommodate that factor into the plans as well.

Now that we have most of the tricky questions addressed here, we think you are covered for most scenarios. If you think there are any more likely situations that you want help with, write to us and let us know.

For your bridesmaids dresses, we suggest you take a look at our extensive collection of bridesmaids dresses here on Best for Bride. With exhaustive collections in all sizes and designs from leading designer brands, you are bound to find the right dresses for all your bridesmaids by visiting us.

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About Olga Pomeransky

Olga is manager at Best for Bride since 2005. Currently Best for Bride operates 4 bridal stores in Canada (Toronto, Etobicoke, Hamilton and Barrie). Best for Bride sells wedding, bridesmaids, mob dresses and more. http://www.BestForBride.com

5 Comments

  1. sobby14@yahoo.com'

    Sunny Kim

    February 11, 2017 at 9:58 AM

    I have been in a situation where some of those in the wedding thought they were paying a lot of money for the dresses and things. These are good tips and things to keep in mind if you run into situations like this. Thank you!

    • sobby14@yahoo.com'

      Betty Jordan

      February 25, 2017 at 9:42 AM

      This is going to be me for sure. I have friends that want to be included and cannot be and a mom that is going to control everything from the beginning.

  2. sobby14@yahoo.com'

    Ginger Davis

    February 11, 2017 at 10:39 AM

    I think if you want to ask a friend to be in your wedding, but she is a new mother, the best thing would be to move along to the next. It could be added stress for them that is not needed. They will understand.

  3. sobby14@yahoo.com'

    Emma Trotter

    February 25, 2017 at 9:04 AM

    I am fearing these types of situations. I really want my friends to be in the wedding and all, but some of them can be a bit controlling. I feel these types of things are going to come up for me as well.

  4. sobby14@yahoo.com'

    Melanie West

    June 21, 2017 at 10:59 AM

    When the bridesmaid hates the dress I pick? 🙂 too bad. I think they should have some input, but I have the final say, right?

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